He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
dude. I can hear the air.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
