This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
