I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
