The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Randomize
