i wish my penis had a tongue
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
