I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
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