the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
