Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
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