I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
I'm having to shit out rocks
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
