dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize