he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
