she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
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