I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Randomize
