real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
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