He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
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