i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
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