This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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