the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
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