I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
