there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
i out mim tonsoeep
Randomize
