im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
Randomize
