oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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