I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
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