i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
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