grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
