I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize
