I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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