I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
