thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
You are a genius and a whore.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Randomize