It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
Randomize
