I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
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