Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
