I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
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