Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
