the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
I love how my cats smell like pot.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize