Sry I called you an 8
PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Randomize
