i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
