I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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