did you get engaged???
yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
