someone get that fucking seahorse.
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
My feet surprised me
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
