Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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