This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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