I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
