It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
