Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
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