you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
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