Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
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