i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
it's great music for shaving your balls
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
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