Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
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