The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
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