atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
