Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
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