Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
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