Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
