I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
