Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
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