I met the friendliest cop last night
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Randomize
