so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Can I color on your dick again?
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
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