I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Randomize
