Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
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