this beer tastes like vomit already
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Randomize
