I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Randomize