There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
I can't put those talents on a resume
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Randomize
