totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
