I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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