Little spoons don't ask big questions
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Randomize