i love accidental penises.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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