i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
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