Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
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