I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
