I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize