I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
