i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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